4th Grade Facts O’ Life Part 2

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So on a warm Saturday afternoon, I walked to the Los Gatos Public Library.

Somehow, I found in the aisles a very large book entitled “Repo-Production.”It was a very old and large textbook that smelled like dirt. “Oh Boy, this must be it!” I thought. 

Not wanting to be caught at looking at stuff i wasn’t supposed to be reading. I sat down in the aisle hidden by the stacks of books and started to thumb my way through it.

Well, it was filled with arcane gibberish that was way too technical for my nine-year-old mind to comprehend at the time.  

And although I had been able to read and understand books like “Tic-Toc in the Land of Oz,” this one was just too dry, too obtuse to even read.  Rats! Foiled again.

But there were pictures! Labeled Male Ant-Tomy and Fee-Male Ant-Tomy. But the pen and ink drawings were rather boring and not in color.

Heck, after I had finished studying the pictures, all I could figure out was that Men had stuff called “Peanuts” and “Scratchums, ” while Women had things called “Labels” and “Virginias.” Yeah So? What did this all this junk have to do anything regarding making babies?

And what was all this nonsense about eggs and stuff that looked like tadpoles? And where in the world did The Old Man get this crazy idea about Men and “Seed”? Seeds were for flowers and plants – Mom was right, Dad had spent too much time growing up on a dairy farm and was just talkin’ “Farm Talk” just to confuse me.

Finally, I just gave a sigh, and hoisted the massive book back on the shelf, defeated.

Dusting off my hands I wandered over to the “Children’s Section” of the library. There I found a couple more “Land of Oz” books so I grabbed two of them, went to the front desk to check out with a little help from some nice Old Lady who was manning the desk

“Did you find what you wanted Sonny?” she asked me.

“No, not really. But thank you, Mam, ” I answered feeling guilty and a little ashamed.

The woman stamped my check out cards and said knowingly “Well Sonny I think you’ll find these a little more “appropriate” for children at your…ah…grade level. These are “nice” books for kids your age.”

Whoops. Busted. Granny was on to me. Darn it! And I thought no one could see me back there. Ok, it was Time For Me to beat it. Before she called my Mom or the cops and I got dragged away in chains.

I got the heck out library fast.

Whelp, I guess there were Grown Up things I was better off not knowing till I was older I philosophically contemplated as I kicked an old Campbell’s soup can into the gutter while I walked home

So I had failed in my mission to find out how babies were really made and although I was disappointed it was really nothing that couldn’t be cured by a glass of Nestle Chocolate Milk and a swim in our swimming pool.

Being nine years old had taught me disappointments were usually transitory anyway – there was always the next “New Thing” always around the corner.

And speaking of A New Thing, Becky and I had to build a Dynarama for 4th-grade class presentation next week.

Ah, my girlfriend Becky. “Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s Day?” Well, not really…unless  “A Summer’s Day” kinda looked like a round shapeless mass like me, had curly light brown hair,  tons of freckles and wore glasses.

Still looks aside her name was “Becky’ and I was a Tom Sawyer Nut.

Ever since my Mom had read to me ‘The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” by Mark Twain I had been hooked, a fan of everything about this young rascal. Huckleberry Finn was cool too but it was Tom that captured my young imagination.

You see Tom was everything I was not. He was smart, conniving, likable, honorable, adventurous and brave. Plus his main squeeze was a girl named Becky.

So looks aside, Becky scored major points in her favor by having the name “Becky” in my book. Also she “liked me” and allowed me to tell everyone she was my girlfriend.

Back in Elementary School, if someone liked you and you liked them – well, all you had to do is ask them – “Would you like to be my girl or boyfriend?” If they said yes, your Special Friend Relationship was pretty much known all over Louise Vander Huff School by noon recess. 

Having a Girlfriend at age nine was a Very Big Deal in Kiddom, as it elevated one from being a Nonentity or a Kootie Bearing Creep to being a very Cool Kid on the Playground.

Anyway getting back to the Dynarama.

Building the Dynarama with Becky was fun and she was pretty compliant in my suggesting we havedo a “Wizard of Oz” theme. 

I remember we made the figures from Play Dough and somehow we managed to have moveable parts in it. Even teacher, Miss King, seemed impressed – even though she visibly blanched at the shocking dismemberment of “The Scarecrow” during Class Presentation (My Spur of The Moment Artistic Touch).

After Becky and I had finished our Noveau Art Exhibition and the kids had stopped screaming over the demise of Scarecrow, Miss King praised us for a very “Dramatic Presentation.”  

For our tireless work – we got an A+ for our efforts and a B- grade. 

Well, I have to say our little project was a bonafide success and in Becky’s eyes, I was Hero of the Day, The Man of the Hour!

So with the Class Presentation being a smashing success, our relationship seemed assured. Ah, well for a short time.

End of Part 2