“A Strange Turn of Events” Part 7

My Adventures and Short Brush with Fame in Community Theatre continues…

Well, Mr Wizard failed to appear to get me out of the mess So…

I was left standing in my living room in Novato with my fist held high.  Very much like Scarlet O’Hara in Gone With The Wind but instead of crying “As God as my witness I’ll never go hungry again!” I was declaring at the top of my lungs “Goddammit – I’m gonna suck again!”

I scared the hell out of the cat.

So after coaxing Morticia the cat from out under the bed – and cleaning up the cat mess – I cracked the script and began to study my lines. I had a few days before my first rehearsal – so I thought it was imperative I familiarize myself with this character I had been bamboozled to play.

“Molliere’s Tartuffe!” I muttered to myself “more like Tar-the-Goof!”

Visions of an enraged audience tar and feathering me – running me out of town on a rail,  and demanding a refund on their tickets swam in my head.

Or worse – rustics sniggering at my performance and making ribald comments such as ” Booo! Yoouu suck!  Where did they get this asshole? Ya ain’t got enough lead in yor’ pencil BOY! Git off the Fuckin’ Stage! Somebody Get a Rope!” also haunted me.

“Well, I might as well get started,” I thought.

So with trembling hands and wiping the perspiration off my brow I hunkered down with the script to learn my lines – shutting myself in my bedroom for a few days before I had my first meeting with the rest of the cast.

I ate all my meals in my room.

As I read through the script all I kept on thinking was “God, this character does go on so…he talks and talks. For example “At first I trembled lest this love be a subtle snare hell had laid for me…”WHAT?!! What the Crap is that supposed to mean?! I moaned.

More than once  I groaned as good ol’ Tartuffe kept talking and talking and my lines continued to pile up.

  
It got to the point where I secretly started wishing I had been cast as the Guy who holds the spear and stands in the back of the stage while smirking at the audience during the show. More my speed. My favorite parts of the script were when my character was OFF THE STAGE!

But I persevered.

 
Yeah…I was totally screwed but dammit if I was going to enter the ring one more time – I was going down swinging!

For those who have trotted upon the Bardic Boards, I won’t bore you too much with the rehearsal process details. But for the lucky uninitiated (notice I said lucky?) I’ll give a brief overview of the rehearsal process.

The first rehearsal usually is a seated read through with the entire cast.

The 2nd rehearsal might still be a read-through but usually, the director gets the cast up on stage with their scripts in hand as they move about on the stage. It is there they work out (with the assistance of the director) where they supposed to enter, exit, stand, etc. – this is called blocking.

It is during this time and in further rehearsals, the Actors work on dramatic moments they want to hit and figure out how to use props. The director usually acts as a traffic cop as he helps guide the players where to move during the blocking process.

If he or she is really good he helps actors work out difficult parts they are struggling with by giving suggestions.  These can be in the form of insights into one’s character.

 
Sometimes a director has to beat a performance out of an actor meaning he has to coddle, stroke, flatter, threaten, abuse or insult an actor just to get the Actor to Do Something Onstage! If an actor just doesn’t get it (his part) or fails to comply with the vision the director has of the “Character ” he is usually fired or he may quit or worse he gets ignored.

If he is ignored he is usually sentenced to a theatrical purgatory where he is even sometimes shunned by his fellow actors as being labeled “a Bad Actor” or “Bad Luck.”

This poor Schmoe is “allowed” to play his part in the play –  but after the show, he’s usually the guy sitting alone at the bar while his fellow cast members sit around congratulating themselves on a good show at the local bar.

Eventually, the actors are supposed to have (hopefully) memorized their lines and scripts are discarded. By discarding the scripts there is a freedom to pursue the life of the play.

This process continues until the first dress rehearsal and tech rehearsal where technicians work out light placement. This done – there is the opening night where hopefully a friendly audience is invited to watch the production.

When I say “Friendly” they are usually an audience consisting of friends, family, and well-wishers. The following performances are open to the public. If this sounds a lot of work? It is. And in Community Theater it’s done for free!

During the rehearsals, an Actor might find himself or herself trapped into what we in the biz call “A Turkey.”

Meaning –  his part sucks, the play sucks, the director is a jerk or has his head up his ass, the playwright sucks, his fellow actors suck, the whole Production sucks…need I go on? If the play during the rehearsal period starts to stink (for any reason mentioned above) there is sure as shit going be a cloud that hangs over the entire cast before opening night- an atmosphere of impending doom.

Which reminds me of…

I was in a play in New York that was an absolute “Turkey” and everyone knew it but the director/writer. I was supposed to play a “Mexican?!” And the play was titled “Robble Dobble.” I remember during one frustrating rehearsal I wandered over to the stage entrance and was gazing at the wall. Suddenly I noticed that someone had scrawled in pen the words”Gobble Gobble” on it. Priceless! 

Anyway…

End of Part 7

To be continued…