“The Great War” Part 1
Dear Mistur Klause,
Whenever we git together with kin on Holidays or go camping with friends – invariably I’m called upon to recount my memories of the “Great War.”
And even though I never got tired of tellin’ it – I felt it was high time that I wrote my version down.
Younger kin folk josh me a lot about my story. Claimin’ I’m just tellin’ a whopper or makin’ shit up.
But, I swear this is the God’s honest truth!
Okay, I might have filled in some of the gaps in my story or used a little poetic license here and there – but seriously Santy… I’ll let you be the judge to the veracity of my tale.
Prologue
Yessir, things got pretty hairy in Elf Land several hundredt years ago.
And if I recollecty right – it was was because them Trolls, Pixies and Leprechauns decided to unite under an evil Magician Demon – and sometimes a volunteer clown at the local circus – “Suntan.”
They was tired of being unemployed and living in the slums of Nabob. Also they was sick of not bein’ able to git no good candy in there neck of the woods.
Sose they vowed to wipe off the face of the Urth all the Elfs, Dwarves and Gnomes.
Wizard Grandaffy attended the ECOE (Emergency Council of Elves) to offer his sagely counsel.
Everybody there knew we was facin’ certain annihilation – so an idear or ruse was demanded by the Council – jest to buys our boys at home some time.
After spendin some time on the crapper – jest to think – Grandaffy came up with a brilliant idear. And I must tip my hat to the ol tricksy Bastard – the idear was pure genius.
The Story
My Tale really begins here… A group of assorted Folk from Elf Land were invited to a Special Meetin.’ And Grandaffy held a brutal competition to determine who was gonna go on the “Quest to Save Elf Land.”
After several hours of playin’ “Rock, Paper and Scissors” – the winners were selected. Or maybe Ah should say… the losers.
The Council acting on Grandaffy’s advice had decided that the fellars that needed to be goin’ on “The Quest” had to be really dumb.
In other words – two Fools who were expendable and didn’t know Jack shit.
*
About this Story
During the beginning of the Covid 19 pandemic, I decided to write a fictional short story about an unemployed Christmas elf named “Bob” Treewanker.
Inspired by a writing prompt for a writers and born out of boredom – I decided to dive headfirst and write a tale that was pure fantasy. Which would be a first for me.
I didn’t want to write a straightforward story about elves, but rather a parody or spoof of the fantasy genre.
That is why I decided to create a character who was a Hillbilly and an elf. This gave me the freedom to play in a world I’d like to call Rustic Fantasy. I don’t think this genre is unique to me but my approach and characters are…well, different to what’s out there.
Little did I know that my first “Bob” story would multiply into forty-five little tales about this humorous character – who talked a lot like Huckleberry Finn in my head.
“Bob” became my personal court jester, a fool who would entertain the kingdom of my mind during these stressful times.
Often his stories would start as letters to his former employer, Santa – hence the opening line of “Dear Mistur Klause.” But over time I eventually dropped this letter format and just let “Bob” tell his stories.
Perhaps a short story book about “Bob” stories might be in the offing, but we’ll have to see.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy them.
