“A Strange Turn of Events.” Part 6

My Adventures and Brief Brush with Fame in Community Theater continued…

So I was screwed. No matter where I turned I was screwed. If I turned to the left – screwed or right- screwed, backwards – screwed or forwards – screwed and double screwed.

I had been suckered by a fake one hundred dollar bill of an offer that appealed to my ego. And here I was trapped. Trapped like a rat in a trap. I had committed myself to an offer that spelled disaster or at the very least a humiliating experience.

To play the part of Tartuffe was pure folly.  And I knew in my heart I was going to suck.

I knew that I was not cut out for a French Comedia del Arte.  It had been 11 years since I had done any acting. And if you look up the New York Times Review of Jack Hefner’s Running on Empty in Lyndenhurst Long Island 1985 the Reviewers were totally underwhelmed by my performance. 

They admitted I was handsome enough but my performance was amateurish,  I was miscast, “a very wooden, non-performance” they opined.

I remember being so dismayed by their opinions – that I think that was the starting point of my decision to leave acting back then in the 1980s.

The Critics had spoken – I was just no good.

So there I was endeavoring to underwhelm another audience by giving a suck-ass performance of playing Tartuffe. Yeah, I was screwed alright. Damn. Damn. Damnity-Damn, Damn.

All right, I thought if this the hand I was dealt. Fine, screw it. They wanted to cast a suit? Ok – I’d be lousy. I’d throw out all the Meisner technique,  the Method acting and the truthful experience and just be as phony as I could be.

Seriously?! I continued to think. If these Hillbillies want to be entertained.  I’d entertain ’em. I’d cry, I’d gnash my teeth, I would flagellate myself onstage,  if there is scenery – I’d chew it,  I’d throw myself around, I’d yell, strut, I’d laugh “Mwahaha!,” I’d crawl around on the floor on stage, I’d threaten, cajole, mince, posture, If I had a mustache I’d twirl it, and…and..if I had to do God damn capers like somersaults and cartwheels to get laughs by God I’d do it!!

Oddly enough I gained an advantage by this approach.  My Character was a phony, a fake – so by giving myself permission to be phony – I actually was able to move forward and give myself the courage I would need later on.

And so, I prepared for my first rehearsal. Secretly wishing someone or something would get me out of this mess.

That being said – I will leave you at this juncture with the immortal words of the cartoon character “Tooter, the Turtle.” Which were – “Help Mr. Wizard!”

Me: “Help Mr. Wizard! I don’t want to be an Actor any more!”

Mr. Wizard: “Drizzle, drazzle. Drazzle, druck. You’re committed to this project you dumb ass schmuck!”

End of Part 6

To be continued…

About this Story

My wife upon reading this entry remarked – “You don’t have much of a story here…just some cursing, fretting, etc..” And she is absolutely correct. This week’s entry addresses the internal conflict of the Main Character, a bridge to connect of what’s more to come.

The actual story is about nine thousand five hundred and thirty-eight words so I had to break it down into digestible parts.

This is probably the shortest Chapter in this Novelette. Fear not, the story is written and the next Chapter will be released in February. Stay tuned.