“A Strange Turn of Events.” Part 3

My Adventures and Brief Brush with Fame in Community Theater continued…

Ok, back to where I left off.

My Esposa Numero Uno and I got back to California in the late Summer of 1995. I had been adamant that we find a place in Marin County since it always seemed so pleasant there. After living in New York I needed a change of environment. A beautiful, calm, and anything but the New York State of Mind kind of place  
I often reflect on why I even moved back to New York in the first place. I am sure there are many reasons but  I am pretty sure it was feeling anxiety about aging and trying to go back in time where all I had to worry about was paying the rent and where anything seemed possible.  So I was trying to be 25 years old again which was something lost to me in time and space. I had lost my youth and things seemed more serious now.
The upshot when we got back to California we needed the money and we needed jobs. In New York, I had bullshitted my way into a catering gig with Elite Caters and spent most of 1994 serving the Rich and Famous canapes and watching the likes of Donald Trump noshing on goodies. It was a bit of a juggling act as I did my best to move my tray away from their mouths as they thought it perfectly acceptable to chew their food over my tray and thus getting chewed bits over the untouched hor d’ouerves. Gross!
I got to work the catering gig at some pretty high-level events  – Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show openings come to mind. I served food at The Museum of Modern History, The Met, The Guggenheim,  Rockefeller Center, and The Opera House. I ran into a lot of Actors and Actresses,  some of which had attended the Playhouse and were still chasing the dream of being successful or at least working. Funny enough at some events the paparazzi would begin to start to take my picture till they realized I was just one of the help –  a schlub carrying a tray. “Nah, that’s not him they’d mutter and put their cameras down.
There are a lot of stories of that year. Most of them funny, some of them sad. One stand out was when I was working at The Met and the Catering Bartender would insult the guests. He’d make a drink hand it to the guest and say “Here you are Sir or Mam.” And they’d thank him and walk away with their drink in hand. Every 2nd or 3rd guest He’d say “Here you are Shithead!” And the guest would thank him and walk away – not registering that they had been insulted or been called Sh*thead or F*ckface. It was definitely a year of Kitchen Confidential, to say the least!!!
Alright back to California. 
We needed money,  we needed jobs to pay rent for an apartment in Novato. Yep, we ended up in Marin alright. So…what to do? Since I was still ambivalent about the Chiropractic thing I started temping again. The pay was shit and the jobs were uber boring.  If I had been a lousy temp before I was even worse this time.
I ended up working for a school in San Rafael doing “typing” and trying not to screw off most the time. As fate would have it I started talking to a coworker who told me he ran a little Theater group up in Santa Rosa in Sonoma County. It was called L’Actor’s Theater.  Of course, I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut (the bane of my existence!) and I talked about going to The Playhouse,  acting,  blah, blah, blah…to which he replied: “Well we are casting for some shows, would you like to Audition?”
Now I’ll be honest – I totally Suck at Auditioning.  There is something about holding that piece of paper and trying to “Act” and not trip over my own two feet. Plus I tend to get very anxious and immediately fall into the “Tiny Theater ” style of acting. In other words, good luck hearing me, seeing me and you’re sure as sh*t – NOT! GOING! TO! REMEMBER! ME!
I made a bunch of excuses that acting was a thing of the past, I wasn’t very good, etc. etc. Whelp,  I guess he was kind of desperate so he said to just prepare a short monologue and come up to the theater anyway. 
After thinking “What the hell do I have to lose anyway?” I can’t fail any worse than I did back East. How low could I go? I mean I really knocked them dead as “Man with Coat” on my walk on “One Life to Live” Ha-Ha-Ha! So if this little Theater group rejected me – Cest la vie!
I owned one really nice suit I had bought back in New York City when I had been out there last so I thought I’d wear that. It was a Blue with a faint blue pinstripe that I thought I looked pretty sharp in it. It fit pretty tight as I had packed on some considerable weight back East. My weight had ballooned up to 195-200 pounds do to nonstop scarfing at some of the finest low-budget diners, delis, and pizzerias New York had to offer. But it would serve its purpose as my “costume” since I wanted to look like Alec Baldwin and do his monologue from Glen Gary, Glen Ross.
So sucked in my gut, rehearsed, memorized and sweated away as I prepared to Audition for what I hoped was a “That was great, thank you for coming up and we’ll be in touch ” kind of evening. They don’t want me? Good! Now, I can put this acting thing away.
The ominous day or should I say the evening was soon upon me. So, I donned my tight-fitting suit, grabbed my prop briefcase and squeezed my fat ass into my Mazda 323 piece of junk car and drove to what turned out to be an unexpected turn of events.

End of Part 3

To be continued…