Destiny

Dear Mister Klause,

I always believed that an Elf’s Destiny should be decided at home. Not on some foreign soil or continent. 

Still, as a patriotic tax payin’ Elf, I do believe in protectin’ my country. Hence I did participate in the Great War several hundred years ago. 

Nosir, The Great War was not won by those darn Gnomes throwin’ some magick stone into a big ass volcano – as Wizard Grandaffy or Mistur Boogerz would have you believe. 

Although those fellars did sell that epic idear to Hollywood and made millions of dollars in doin’ so in the process.

The Gnomes knew the pebble was just junk and they figured throwin’ the thing into that fiery mountain along with some Mickey D  trash was just as good a place as any.

While not bein’ a litterbug is commendable – it don’t make for a good yarn. 

So those Gnomes and Wizard made up a terrific tall tale and sold it to that Tokin feller. Sayin’, how they saved the world with a magick ring, an impossible quest, and blah dee, blah, blah. 

Much later Tinsel Town beckoned and those rascals made a mint. 

Now, the Gnomes were not savvy about money as they naturally preferred just their creature comforts – but Wizard Grandaffy was a sly business feller.

So he convinced them to invest their profits from the story in an online Home Furnishings business called “Boogerz and Grandaffy. ” 

The business took off and they all became richer n’ Croesus. 

But, I digress and I’ll have to continue my yarn another time as I’m fixin’ to hit the commode.

Say “Hello” to Misses Klause and my Buddies back at the Toy Factory.

Bob Treewanker

***

About this Story

During the beginning of the Covid 19 pandemic, I decided to write a fictional short story about an unemployed Christmas elf named “Bob” Treewanker.

Inspired by a writing prompt for a writers and born out of boredom – I decided to dive headfirst and write a tale that was pure fantasy. Which would be a first for me.

I didn’t want to write a straightforward story about elves, but rather a parody or spoof of the fantasy genre.

That is why I decided to create a character who was a Hillbilly and an elf. This gave me the freedom to play in a world I’d like to call Rustic Fantasy. I don’t think this genre is unique to me but my approach and characters are…well, different to what’s out there.

Little did I know that my first “Bob” story would multiply into forty-five little tales about this humorous character – who talked a lot like Huckleberry Finn in my head.

“Bob” became my personal court jester, a fool who would entertain the kingdom of my mind during these stressful times.

Often his stories would start as letters to Santa – hence the opening line of “Dear Mistur Klause.” But over time I eventually dropped this letter format and just let “Bob” tell his stories.

Perhaps a short story book about “Bob” stories might be in the offing, but we’ll have to see.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy them.