“For Those Who Missed the Rock” Part 3

I was awakened a few hours later by some NCO kicking my bunk. I was told to get my butt outside to muster for morning formation.

Wearily, I rubbed my the sleep out of my eyes as I pulled on my uniform. I staggered outside and was introduced to my Platoon CO whose name was Second Lieutenant Leonard and his second in command Staff Sergeant Carter. 

Lieutenant Leonard was short, had bad acne scars and breath that was more toxic than the coffee they served at the mess hall. Staff Sergeant Carter wore a perpetual scowl like he was suffering from chronic dyspepsia. He could have doubled for the actor who played “Red Foreman” on “That 70’s Show” except he had a pear shape and wasn’t very funny.

Anyway, I was informed that they were assigning me to work at HQ to replace the Company Clerk who was being rotated off the island to stateside.  

“We don’t have a Comm Center so you need to help out with clerking duties, ” said Lieutenant Leonard blasting me with his Godzilla breath. I, of course, agreed with alacrity just to get the Hell out of the man’s presence.

I was excused and after saluting my CO went to the mess hall to get some much-needed food. I think it had been eighteen hours since I had last eaten so I was starving.

I went to the mess hall and got a plate of powdered scrambled eggs,  anemic looking bacon and greasy home fried potatoes. The food was utterly and disgustingly tasteless. The coffee was worse. Everything smelled and tasted like my CO”s breath or in other words – like shit.

Since my sense of smell had been obliterated by Lieutenant Leonard’s toxic halitosis I went in search of “something” I could put on my food to give it some flavor.

Spying some ketchup on a nearby table, I poured some on my plate. The ketchup smelled sour and looked runny. So I scraped it off my plate and went in search of another bottle. 

I went to a couple of different tables sniffing bottles like a glue addict before giving up and just grabbing one. But before pouring it on my plate I decided to open it and give it a tentative sniff – just to make sure.

Now unbeknownst to me, the extreme humidity of the island was causing items – like ketchup to ferment in the bottles. That was why the stuff had smelled so weird to me.

As I opened the bottle of ketchup there was an explosive “BOOM!” and a flash of red that temporarily blinded me. The damn thing had exploded in my hand and I was covered in ketchup.

Looking up I saw this huge black Sergeant holding a breakfast tray looking like he wanted to kill me. He too was covered in ketchup. It pretty much was all over his freshly pressed khaki uniform and there was a big gob of red stuff on his glowering forehead.

I squeaked a quick “Sorry Sarge, ” and got the Hell out of there before I got my ass kicked. Needless to say, I didn’t get any breakfast that morning. Goddamit!