The Trouble with Sergeants

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Introduction: 
OK. I insulted him. I mean really? “Can’t a guy take a f*cking joke?!” I thought as drove my Ford Mustang Mach 1 back to base at Camp Pendleton. 

The STORY – As I Remember it

This is what I was thinking years ago when I was a PFC in the Marine Corps and Sgt. Pedro (“Call me Pete”) Gonzalez Gonzalez Torres had wanted me to take him on a drive off base to Oceanside California back in 1977.
We had just done a quick drive into town to run an errand and were now heading back. Things had gone well… No arguments … Nothin.’
Anyway Sgt. Torres was going on and on about how many girls he was banging. How the Ladies couldn’t keep their hands off of him…blah, blah, blah. How he had a cooler car than mine. How I smoked too much. How he outranked me. Wasn’t I looking forward to 30 days of boring ass guard duty? “Ha! Ha! Ha! Bucklin you are going to be bored shitless! “Etc. Etc. You know – that kind of tormenting one sided conversation that just goes on and on. 
It was getting to the point where I regretted giving the Jerk a ride in the first place. Didn’t this Dude ever shut up?! Plus I was starting to wish I could kick his talkative ass out of my car. Hell! Let em’ walk the rest of the way back to base! 
But no. That would have repercussions. I’d probably be assigned to even worse duty than having to schlep a M-16 rife around an armory building for 30 days. And that was bad enough. 
So instead I lit up a Marlboro Cigarette and said “Hey, Sgt. Torres where did you get that t-shirt?”
He visibly puffed up at that question and said” My Okinawan Girlfriend gave it to me before I left… It says “Star” in Japanese.”
” Uh, huh” I said taking a turn towards the main exit. “Really?” 
“Yeah, he said She was just one of the many muchachas I was seeing when I was stationed down by Kadena Air Force Base in Okinawa.” 
“Oh yeah? ” That t-shirt doesn’t say” Star” on it… I took some Japanese in College and that says somethin’ else. ” I lied spectacularly. 
“Oh?! What the hell does it say?” he said starting to look uncomfortable. 
“Um, I really don’t want to say Sgt. Torres I muttered. 
“Cmon Bucklin… Tell me – I promise I won’t be pissed” he pressed. 
“Well…” I said. 
 I took a drag on my cigarette.
“It says” Asshole! “
Sgt. Torres looked down at his red t-shirt with its Japanese lettering in shock and dismay. 
And just like that his machismo world suddenly toppled over like a child’s building block toy. It was if he had caught a glimpse of himself courtesy of Yours Fuckin’ Truly of what a pompous and ridiculous ass he really was. 
We drove in silence for a few miles and he kept looking at his t-shirt. He’d then grumble things in Spanish that I didn’t quite understand. But, I could tell that whatever he was saying – wasn’t very flattering about his former girlfriend! I mean “Puta” and “Puta de mierda” sounded pretty derogatory to me. 
He looked so deflated – like he was in some kind of personal Hell – I  kinda felt sorry for him. A few seconds later – I started to feel like a First Class Prick. Ahhh Shit! 
So I barked a laugh  and said “Just Kidding! I don’t really know what it says. I don’t really know any Japanese! C’mon I am joking Sgt. Torres! “
Sgt. Torres didn’t say anything. He just looked out the car window for the rest of the trip. 
Well, at least I got him to shut up. 
When we got to base he got out of my car and slammed the car passenger door so hard every bolt in my car rattled. He then stalked away.

Smooth move College Boy.
Later and much to my chagrin – I was informed that I had been assigned another 30 days of “boring ass” Guard Duty.
In the Military – Paybacks’ a bitch. 
And sometimes I just needed to keep my big mouth shut!

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