“Jake & his Hot Trans Am” Part 1

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Introduction
I recount my friendship with my pal Jake, whose motto was “Fast Cars and Fast Women!”

A Giant towered over me in Biker leathers, greasy, bleach blonde trashed hair, built like a lineman from the Rams Football Team, a Marlboro butt clenched in her teeth.

At least I thought it was a she, a chick, uh… whatever.

“What’s yer name kid?”

“Uh…ah…aaa… ” I thought a pseudonym might be appropriate…”Matt.”

“Matt huh? So tell me Mr. Shrimpsky…did “Matt” bring his balls and bat to our little Fiesta?”

“What?!”

“Ah said…ah screw it. Listen Kid do you wanna go into the back of my boyfriend’s van and smoke a “J, ” talk and do Stuff?”

Me? Uh. No thank you, Sir… Uh, I mean Mam?!”

“Suit yourself Dickweed. Your loss anyway.”
The Giant Biker Chick strutted away, her chains and leather jacket jingling like spurs on cowboy boots.

Goddamn, what kind of party is this? I am gonna kill that Jake! I thought.

This was turning out to be another one of those freakin’ brilliant ideas by my Buddy Jake.

These lousy parties we’re all turning out to be the same. Just plain Awful. And like a fool I was dragged off for another miserable night of disappointment and sometimes terror.

I should have been home studying for my Geometry test tomorrow. So maybe this was just the kind of a wake-up call I needed.

You see I was a Senior at Farmstead High School and I was hanging out with my Amigo, Jake who was somewhere in the crowd,  lost in the Pagan Bacchanalia of Bikers and their Chicks.

They were all bent on one thing and that was – to get F*cked up as Bad and as Fast as possible.

I finally found him making out with a smaller clone of the first Chick who had accosted me earlier by the burning trashcan.

“Chuck! How’d you do Dude?!”

“Jake, I wanna get out of here. This party sucks and I gotta test tomorrow.”

“Awright Party Pooper. I am just saying goodnight anyway to uh…Whadya say your name was Baby?”

“Alex!”

Jake and I exchange apprehensive looks.

“Yeah, uh, Ok Alex. See ya later.”

“Later Studly! And Hey,  don’t forget to call me!”

“STUDLY!” HOW DOES THIS CLOWN DO IT?!

We took off in Jake’s Trans Am.

I was pissed. This had turned out to be another one of “Jake’s Parties!” Jake’s idea of a party was always the same. We’d drive out to some field,  or some crummy house, out in the middle of nowhere, and he’d disappear for hours at a time, while I stood around feeling foolish.

It was always the same bait and switch. Since I was bombing with the chicks at Farmstead, my “Good Friend” Jake, would assure me that he knew of a really cool party, where the chicks were looking for some “Real Action,” and as a favor to me, he’d take me along.

So far these “Parties” had turned out to be disasters for me. If there was any real action to be had – I wasn’t any part of it.

Party?

What Bullshit!

So it was back to school and my daily struggles with girls.

I had made friends with Bob Jacobsen at The Academy a couple of years before and we had been friends ever since.

Jake’s family was rich. My family was poor. Jake had a Cool Trans Am V-8 with a 345 -horsepower. I walked or borrowed Mom’s old Ford Cortina. Jake’s parents had a big house with a swimming pool, jacuzzi, and a microwave! My Mom, younger brother and I lived in a cramp, smelly apartment – with no microwave. Jake got to eat steak – twice a week, my Family ate Hamburger Helper seven days a week. Jake had a “real girlfriend.” I had my frustration. Jake had chest hair and a perpetual five o’clock shadow. I had no chest hair and peach fuzz on my face. Jake got crummy grades and didn’t give a shit, I got good grades because I did.

At The Academy, Jake had been a Corporal and a smartass. At The Academy, I had been a Second Lieutenant and a good student. Jake was now a partying Dude at Paly High School – who got the Chicks, I was now a nobody at Farmstead High School – who dated zilch.

Since this is starting to sound like “Goofus and Gallant” from Hilite Magazine I’ll stop right there.

You get the picture. Life was unfair.

End of Part 1

To be continued…