“LOCKDOWN!”

Darn he could be such a pest!

Always coming into my room and buggin’ me.

I told my kid brother multiple times to beat it –  but did he listen? 

Heck No!

Finally I pleaded my case to the Old Man who begrudgingly installed a sliding lock on the “outside” of my door.

That didn’t solve the problem. The little brat could still enter whenever I was in my room. Fat lot of help that lock was. 

Useless.

So I was stuck just wishing. Wishing he’d just go away, leave me alone and quit getting into my stuff. 

One day I came up with “THE PLAN.”  A plan so fiendishly Machivellian that I wondered if I could pull it off. 

“Matty, I want you to play a game with me.  We’re gonna play” cops and robbers.” You’re the cop and I am the robber. You caught me and put me in jail… See? And now I wancha to lock me in my room. In hour you can let me out of “jail”… Understand? “

“Ok. But Charlie, I can’t reach the lock.”

“Don’t be a dope. Get a chair and reach up and slide the lock bolt shut.”

“Ok.”

Sounds of chair and lock being bolted.

“Ok. I done it.”

“Thanks, Matty.”

Moments pass.

‘HELP! HELP! I CAN’T GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

“JESUS H. CHRIST!! What the Hell is going on?!” bellowed my Old Man.

“Sniff…Sniff…Matty locked me in my room!”

“Goddammit – Mathew did you lock your brother, Charlie in his room!”

“He told me too!”

“THAT’S THE CRAZIEST GODDAMN LIE I’VE EVER HEARD!!!”

WHOP! WHOP!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

WHOP! WHOP!!  WHOP!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I had to cover my mouth with both hands to suppress my sadistic mirth.

I was such a “Little Bastard” back then. 

And in many ways – I still am – just bigger. 

You have to admit though – it was kinda of a funny prank.

And it worked. 

Matty never came into my room ever again. 

To this day – Wifey doesn’t understand why Matt never calls or visits me. 

I’ll never tell.