Pick Me!

No one had ever done it before.

Pledged the Deltas TWICE in a year.

You had to be utterly stupid or a masochist. Perhaps a merry combination of the two.

Ah, but I wanted to belong. I was young, and fresh out of a little town called Cupertino, a place no one had ever heard of when I began my first year at Chico State.

So when I hit my first Delta Rush party my first Semester – I felt like man, this was it. These dudes get me.

There I was surrounded by a group of friendly guys who were slapping me on the back, giving me beer, and telling me how I’d make an outstanding brother in the fraternity, and yadda, yadda, yadda.

Well, all that attention kind of shit went to my head.

You see, up to that point in my life I had always felt like an outsider.

So, yeah I wanted in.

I ended up getting invited to pledge the Deltas in the fall of 1974. Only to quit halfway through the program.

The reason I dropped out was that Diane, my girlfriend back home, was dead set against me spending any more time hanging out with a bunch of “drunken jocks” and “slutty sorority chicks.”

I dropped out only to get dumped by her a month later.

So, with no girlfriend and social life, I figured I’d try to finish what I had started last semester.

***

I was told that while most of the “brothers” were cool (and somewhat impressed) with me pledging again, several members did not want me in the frat period.

The most vocal dissenters to my pledging again were the four Garys. These were the four active members who did not want to give me a second chance. And I can’t believe these jokers all had the same first name – “Gary,” but it was true.

That being said, I decided I’d better talk to them just to see if I could change their minds.

My little campaign interview went something like this with one of the Garys:

Setting: A cluttered Frat House Room adorned with Farah Fawcett and Nascar posters. A redolent smell of pot, beer, and dirty socks hangs in the air.

Gary: “So why dew yew want to pledge the Deltas agin, Chuck?”

Me: “Well, I think I’d make a great member, Gary.”

Gary: “Anything else yew have ta say on why we should give ya another chance to pledge?”

Me: “Well, I fucked up last time by dropping out. I think I could go all the way this time.”

Gary: “Uh-huh. Why the Deltas though?”

Me: “Um, you have a great frat house, throw bitchin’ parties, plus there’s a lot of free booze n’ chicks  too.”

Gary: (Loudly guzzling a beer before belching!) “Really?”

Me: “So, I was wondering if you’d maybe cast your ….”

Gary: “Hey, have you ever lit farts before?’

Me: “Say what?”

Gary: “Lit your farts. Ever try it? It’s fun.”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Gary: “Check it out. Gimme a lighter.”

I hand him one and Gary spreads his seated legs and BRAAAAAAAAAAAP! farts epically while simultaneously flicking the Bic lighter on. A huge blast of blue flame shot across the room nearly igniting poor Farah’s mounted image.

Me: “OH MY GOD!”

Gary: “Haw! Haw! Fuckin’ shit gets me every time. You want to give it a go?”

Me: “No, that’s okay.”

Gary: “Well, suit yourself. Okay, one last question – one of the initiations might involve a little  blood – so do you bleed easily?”

Me: “There’s blood involved?”

Gary: Haw! Just fuckin’ with ya. Go on and git out here and I’ll talk to the other Brothers and we’ll let ya know what we decide.”

Me: Okay, well… thanks for hearing me out.”

***

Spring Rush ended on a Friday and after talking to as many members as I could so did my campaign to get invited to the upcoming Pledge class.

The Deltas held their meeting that following Sunday to vote on who they wanted to invite to pledge that Sping.

And of course, I heard nothing that night.

Or the next.

Tuesday I was in full panic mode.

When Wednesday morning rolled around I was thoroughly depressed.

That evening, after an uninspiring dinner of cafeteria meatloaf, I checked my mailbox again before going to my dorm room.

Inside was an envelope addressed to me with the Delta Fraternity Seal on it.

With shaking hands, I tore open the envelope to reveal an invitation to pledge to the Delta Fraternity in the Spring of 1975.

My whoop of triumph shook the damn building.

Guess they were just fuckin’ with me again.