Hot Lunch
“You must be hungry,” said the Old Man one miserably humid day at the Country Club golf course. “Yeah, I sure am,” I replied. “How about a hot dog?” “That would be great, Dad!” He could have offered me dog excrement on a saltine cracker and I would have probably eaten it. I was so…
Jake and his Hot Trans Am Part 6
I slammed the car door as hard as I could and stalked down the short path to our crummy apartment. A few moments later Jake’s car started up and pulled out of the apartment parking lot. I let myself into the old homestead, the redolent aroma of Hamburger Helper Crunchy Taco Style still lingering in the…
Stalking Charles Schulz
Charles Schulz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip, must have been more than surprised when Peanutsmania swept the country in the nineteen sixties. But after Charlie Brown’s Christmas aired on TV it was game over – everybody in the good ol’ USA dug the ” Peanuts cartoon. Merchandising was phenomenal. Soon no matter where…
Sean’s Pants – A Cautionary Tale
“I got invited to the Alpha Gamma sorority dance,” Vinny said, looking more miserable than a hound dog with a bad case of piles. “Is that all?” I said with a relieved snort. “You had me worried there for a second. Is the chick asking you to go good lookin’?” “Yeah…she’s okay.” “Shit man…You’ll have…
Run Like Hell!
Run! Run! Run! The hot plates were burning my arms as I carried two stacked in my left arm and held one in my right hand. The smell of cooking meat hit my nostrils. Was that food I smelled or was it me being slowly cooked by the burning crockery? God, I hope it wasn’t…
“The Great War” Part 10 – Epilogue
Epilogue Ketched’ bye surprise, Suntan, aka “PoPo the Klown,” had to cancel mid performance his entertainments at a local kiddy birthday party. The poor sumbitch was absolutely humiliated that his Epic plans had been thwarted by a cantankerous Volcano. The Great Anus Volcano finely simmered down after a few days – leavin’ Nabob’s residents skeered…
“The Great War” Part 9
Grandaffy dressed in a pink cloak exhorted the Elf Troops to stand firm and hold thar ground. But with each fresh attack our Boys were slowly pushed back. Meanwhile our Communications Headquarters was desperately firing telegraphs to your Toy Factory. Implorin’ ye for aerial assistance. Now why you had decided to take Mrs Klause during…
“The Great War” Part 7
Yessir, there shore was havoc in Elf Land goin’ on – while I was busy postin’ my flyers. Many of the enemy had already managed to cross the border despite our boys settin’ up a defensive perimeter led by Grandaffy himself. Armed with weapons – platoons of evil doers were causin’ all kinds of mischief…
“The Great War” Part 6
Meanwhile back at home – I had decided to enlist. Since I viewed it as my “Patriotic Duty” to do whatever I could to protect my Country. The Militia Enlistment Board thought I was to durn old to fight. Can you imagine that? I was only twelve hundredt years pupped. My Pappy, Walter Brennan Treewanker,…
“The Great War” Part 5
With his bag o’ coins, Chuckleberry led the companions to this weird lookin’ hamburger joint that had these giant piss yaller arches on it. “Order whatever you’se want fellars – it’s my treat,” he said. Yessir, the building was weird but the staff runnin’ the place was even weirder. Workin’, there were three funny lookin’…