Happy New Year Everyone!!
Happy New Year Folks! I’m taking a month off, but will resume posting in February 2023. Stay Cool and I’ll see you next month.
I Believe this Belongs to You
SMACK!!! OW! Did he have to swat my ass so hard with that Damn paddle?! SWAT! SMACK!! SMAA-CRAKKK!!! GODDAMMIT! FUCK! That one hurt like hell and I could see and hear fragments of a paddle scatter across the basement floor. An evil silver skull painted on the wall leered down at me with bad intent.…
Ain’t Got No Check or TP!
Dear Mistur Klaus, How have you been? Things have been pretty rough down here in Elf Town since you furloughed us from the Toy Factory. The frickin’ Dwarves have been gettin’ drunk and loud as you-know-what here every single night. Gnomes have been rioting up a storm since they ain’t gotten their “Stimulatin’ Checks” you…
Matty Takes a Trip
C’mon Matty it’ll be fun. You climb into the laundry chute and I’ll make sure you don’t slide down.” “I don’t know Charlie.” “Awww…dont be a chicken. I’ll be your anchor – you won’t go anywhere.” “You’re sure it’s safe.” “BukBukBuk…Bukaw!” “Okay…Jeez!” Climbing into my friend’s home laundry chute- Matty looked up at me –…
Santa Goes All Out!
When it came to gettin’ gifts – Christmas 1963 was a banner year for Matty and I. Never had we seen so many gifts and presents wrapped in festive paper under the tree. There was a veritable cornucopia of Christmas goodies just waiting to be pillaged. Santa had gone all out! Ah, but we had…
“Jake and his Hot Trans Am” Part 3
So it was another boring ass week and then Friday night would come around and Jake would want to go cruisin’. Before he had met Donna, it was just the two of us cruisin’ around Santa Clara Valley. We’d smoke Marlboros, bullshit about chicks, and just drive all over the place. After driving for hours…
Destiny
Dear Mister Klause, I always believed that an Elf’s Destiny should be decided at home. Not on some foreign soil or continent. Still, as a patriotic tax payin’ Elf, I do believe in protectin’ my country. Hence I did participate in the Great War several hundred years ago. Nosir, The Great War was not won…
Hearken the Trees
I couldn’t sleep that night. The wind was blowing with an eerie “Woooo” sound. Even the house cat seemed unnerved by the trees whipping the apartment building like a masochistic penitent. All night long “Woooooo,” “Smack!” “Whack!” I tossed and turned. A frightened cat sat on my face. “Fer chrissakes enough already, Cat! ” I…
“Camp Shady Pines” – Summer Camp from Hell!! Part 4
On the morning before Summer Camp was over we were all informed that the Kitchen stove was on the fritz and it was scheduled for repair later that day. So we were all given a Dixie cup of orange kool-aid and a root beer popsicle for breakfast. When lunch rolled around we received another cup…
A View from Above
She lived alone in a ninth floor apartment. Her Apartment was 9I. The sounds of Fifth Avenue street traffic – yellow checker cabs, office workers, and late-night party people, could be heard on some nights when her window was cracked open. I showed up half in the bag for our first date. She opened the…