Ain’t Got No Check or TP!
Dear Mistur Klaus, How have you been? Things have been pretty rough down here in Elf Town since you furloughed us from the Toy Factory. The frickin’ Dwarves have been gettin’ drunk and loud as you-know-what here every single night. Gnomes have been rioting up a storm since they ain’t gotten their “Stimulatin’ Checks” you…
Matty Takes a Trip
C’mon Matty it’ll be fun. You climb into the laundry chute and I’ll make sure you don’t slide down.” “I don’t know Charlie.” “Awww…dont be a chicken. I’ll be your anchor – you won’t go anywhere.” “You’re sure it’s safe.” “BukBukBuk…Bukaw!” “Okay…Jeez!” Climbing into my friend’s home laundry chute- Matty looked up at me –…
Santa Goes All Out!
When it came to gettin’ gifts – Christmas 1963 was a banner year for Matty and I. Never had we seen so many gifts and presents wrapped in festive paper under the tree. There was a veritable cornucopia of Christmas goodies just waiting to be pillaged. Santa had gone all out! Ah, but we had…
Destiny
Dear Mister Klause, I always believed that an Elf’s Destiny should be decided at home. Not on some foreign soil or continent. Still, as a patriotic tax payin’ Elf, I do believe in protectin’ my country. Hence I did participate in the Great War several hundred years ago. Nosir, The Great War was not won…
Hearken the Trees
I couldn’t sleep that night. The wind was blowing with an eerie “Woooo” sound. Even the house cat seemed unnerved by the trees whipping the apartment building like a masochistic penitent. All night long “Woooooo,” “Smack!” “Whack!” I tossed and turned. A frightened cat sat on my face. “Fer chrissakes enough already, Cat! ” I…
“Camp Shady Pines” – Summer Camp from Hell!! Part 4
On the morning before Summer Camp was over we were all informed that the Kitchen stove was on the fritz and it was scheduled for repair later that day. So we were all given a Dixie cup of orange kool-aid and a root beer popsicle for breakfast. When lunch rolled around we received another cup…
A View from Above
She lived alone in a ninth floor apartment. Her Apartment was 9I. The sounds of Fifth Avenue street traffic – yellow checker cabs, office workers, and late-night party people, could be heard on some nights when her window was cracked open. I showed up half in the bag for our first date. She opened the…
“Jake and his Hot Trans-Am” Part 2
To give you an idea of how I swept the chicks off there feet at school. Do you remember that TV show “Kung Fu” with David Carradine? Whenever David got into a scrape or a had problem he’d remember some specific moment from his “Grasshopper” days back in the Shaolin Temple. This style of having…
The “Old Man’s” Gift
“Hey, Dad I’m turning thirty-two this week.” “Well, that beats the Hell out of turning seventy-two.” “Aar! Ha! Ha! Ha!” The familiar laugh barked over the phone. The Old Man considered himself to be a real Card at times. “What are you doing for your Birthday, Son?” “Aww, I got nothin’ planned, Dad.” “C’mon over…
The “Old Man” Comes Through
When my parents split up – I had hoped we could stay living in our beautiful home in Los Gatos. Unfortunately, the Old Man, furious at being exiled by Mom put the kibosh on that dream pronto. No, things were never the same the day the Mayflower Moving Company arrived to take our furniture to…