The Search for Freedom
Getting older sucks. And anyone who tells you differently is full of shit. Such were my thoughts as I drove home from the store. My cheeks burned with frustration as I replayed this afternoon’s humiliating events in my head. “Hello, can I help you?” bellowed an anorexic bearded kid behind the Health Food store counter.…
Hot Lunch
“You must be hungry,” said the Old Man one miserably humid day at the Country Club golf course. “Yeah, I sure am,” I replied. “How about a hot dog?” “That would be great, Dad!” He could have offered me dog excrement on a saltine cracker and I would have probably eaten it. I was so…
Jake and his Hot Trans Am Part 6
I slammed the car door as hard as I could and stalked down the short path to our crummy apartment. A few moments later Jake’s car started up and pulled out of the apartment parking lot. I let myself into the old homestead, the redolent aroma of Hamburger Helper Crunchy Taco Style still lingering in the…
Stalking Charles Schulz
Charles Schulz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip, must have been more than surprised when Peanutsmania swept the country in the nineteen sixties. But after Charlie Brown’s Christmas aired on TV it was game over – everybody in the good ol’ USA dug the ” Peanuts cartoon. Merchandising was phenomenal. Soon no matter where…
Jake and his Hot Trans Am Part 5
Finally, Saturday arrived, and Jake roared up to our little apartment complex to pick me up. We were going to pick up Donna first and then shoot over to I’m-Not-Crazy-About-Her-Name Peggy’s house. I had worn some of my bests duds. A Black Sabbath T-Shirt, dark denim jeans, and earth shoes. I thought I looked pretty…
“The Great War” Part 9
Grandaffy dressed in a pink cloak exhorted the Elf Troops to stand firm and hold thar ground. But with each fresh attack our Boys were slowly pushed back. Meanwhile our Communications Headquarters was desperately firing telegraphs to your Toy Factory. Implorin’ ye for aerial assistance. Now why you had decided to take Mrs Klause during…
“The Great War” Part 8
Finally the exhausted threesome arrived at their destination. They stood at the base of an enormous Volcano. The craggy dormant mountain towered into the cloudy heavens. There was a big sign that read: “Great Anus of Doom Volcano.” Visitors Welcome. Volcano Park Hours 10 am – 5 pm. Do not litter. Hewitt Putter reached into…
“The Great War” Part 7
Yessir, there shore was havoc in Elf Land goin’ on – while I was busy postin’ my flyers. Many of the enemy had already managed to cross the border despite our boys settin’ up a defensive perimeter led by Grandaffy himself. Armed with weapons – platoons of evil doers were causin’ all kinds of mischief…
“The Great War” Part 6
Meanwhile back at home – I had decided to enlist. Since I viewed it as my “Patriotic Duty” to do whatever I could to protect my Country. The Militia Enlistment Board thought I was to durn old to fight. Can you imagine that? I was only twelve hundredt years pupped. My Pappy, Walter Brennan Treewanker,…
“The Great War” Part 5
With his bag o’ coins, Chuckleberry led the companions to this weird lookin’ hamburger joint that had these giant piss yaller arches on it. “Order whatever you’se want fellars – it’s my treat,” he said. Yessir, the building was weird but the staff runnin’ the place was even weirder. Workin’, there were three funny lookin’…