“The Great War” Part 7
Yessir, there shore was havoc in Elf Land goin’ on – while I was busy postin’ my flyers.
Many of the enemy had already managed to cross the border despite our boys settin’ up a defensive perimeter led by Grandaffy himself.
Armed with weapons – platoons of evil doers were causin’ all kinds of mischief throughout my fair land.
Several inhabitants including a few unfortunate vegetarians got pulverized by clubs,.. and uh… dirt clods, root vegetables and water balloons filled with noxious troll pee. Even some of our more prominent citizens got their mansions bodaciously TP’d.
Candy stores were raided, false unemployment claims were filed. Elf maidens were catcalled or touched inappropriate like.
Things were lookin’ bad. And if Suntan’s massive army managed git across our line – things were goin’ to git muchy wurse.
Even in my Treehouse – which was miles away – I could hear the sounds of explosions and maniacal laughter comin’ from our borders.
The sumbitchiz were fightin’ dirty, of course. They fired all kinds of Fireworks and water balloons at our entrenched boys.
Boom! Boom! BANG! Zzzippp! KA-POW! SPLAT! Whump! ZING! Snap-Crackle – Pop! – went the rockets, firecrackers, and sparklers. A few Stink Bombs were chucked at our lines – which didn’t hurt anyone – but, they made a powerful racket and stench which made everyone on our side gasp for untainted air.
Fortunately, for us citizens of Elf Land – Grandaffy’s defensive perimeter held – but, unless a miracle occurred soon – it looked like our demise was imminent.
*
The Gnomes with Mister Putter traveled quite a distance. And on their ways they saw sum very strange critters.
They saw – Godzillar – a fire breathin’ Dinosaur and Muthra – which was jest a big ol’ moth.
They also saw some giant monkee callled Kong King who ate huge quantities of coconuts, and other ferocious beasts – like hamsters, guinea pigs and a big ol’ rabbit with a terrifyin’ overbite.
At one point they cames across an intersection that had a gold brick road.
Traipsing down it were three fools who looked inhuman as all get out and a lil’ girl.
The fellars looked they had gotten there duds from a junkyard or a discount rug shop – whilst the girl wuz wearin’ a checkered dress, pointy red converse tennis shoes and was carryin’ a scrawny lookin’ Hound dawg.
The four weirdos were singin’ some out off key tune about going to see “The Wizard of Bras.”
The strange quartet vanished down the road without even lookin’ at the Companions.
“How come they didn’t say “Howdy Do,” Mr. Putter?” asked Buggerz.
“Dudes, they can’t see us. They’re trapped in another storyline – which makes us invisible to them.”
“Invisuble?! Wull, Shee-it!” said Schmendrick.
*
To be continued…
