“The Great War” Part 8

Finally the exhausted threesome arrived at their destination.

They stood at the base of an enormous Volcano. The craggy dormant mountain towered into the cloudy heavens. 

There was a big sign that read:

“Great Anus of Doom Volcano.” 

Visitors Welcome. Volcano Park Hours 10 am – 5 pm. Do not litter. 

Hewitt Putter reached into his coat and pulled out a carefully folded Tourist Guide. 

Reading from the pamphlet – Hewitt informed the Gnomes :

“Dudes, we have arrived. And it is now time  for you to do your noble part.  Both of you must ascend the Volcano while I remain here. 

“At the top of the Volcano you will find a Visitor’s Outlook Station. By the Station is a trash can. Place the Pebble in the garbage can and return to me.”

“Upon your return we will head back to the river and hook up with Chuckleberry and Jam who will give us a ride back to Elf Land.” 

“Whatever you do – do not put any garbage or refuse in the volcano. According to Tourists Guide – “The Great Anus of Doom Volcano” has been dormant for a thousand years – but Park Rangers caution Visitors – that any disturbance might set it off.”

“So, Dudes – make sure you put the pebble in the trash receptacle located near the Visitor Outlook. I REPEAT – DO NOT PUT THE PEBBLE IN THE VOLCANO! “

“Why can’t we? asked the bewildered Gnomes in unison. 

Hewitt frowned at them und said – “Dudes, Grandaffy told me that we are only trying to scare Suntan and his minions. Not blow up the world in the process.” 

“Ah don’t git it,” said Buggerz. 

Hewitt sat down on a rock and rubbed his face with a sigh. 

“Look Dudes… If Suntan thinks our side has placed a Magick Stone capable of setting off the Volcano – it’ll be game over.”

“Sose we ain’t really goin’ tuh blow anythin’ up with our pebble?” said Schmendrick disappointed. 

“No. The Pebble is fake….it’s just a harmless rock,” said Hewitt. 

“Awww Man! What a ripoff! And here we thought the Pebble was Magick!!” said Buggerz. 

Hewitt continued: “Once you have accomplished your mission – Grandaffy is going contact Suntan – and threaten him. 

It’s a trick…leverage.. to get him and his crew to back the fuck off and surrender!” 

“Uh..Okee.. Ah think we git it,” said Buggerz. “C’mon Schmendy – let’s get this done.” 

*

By the time  the Gnomes had scaled the Volcano – Schmendrick was practically beside himself with excitement. 

“Say Buggerz… Let”s blow some shit up in the volcano! ” said Schmendrick. 

“No Schmendy…That would be a very bad idear. Besides, Mistur Putter said – no junk was to be thrown in the crater.”

“Now Ah want yew to hold onto the pebble and the fast food trash yew been totin’ around – whiles Ah look for a place to take a leak,” said Buggerz. 

Sose Buggerz went to look for the trashcan located somewhere near the Visitor Station. While leavin’ Schmendrick with the junk.

When Buggerz got back – the Magick Pebble and the MickeyDee trash was gone. Schmendrick had a mischievous look on his face. 

Abruptly the Volcano made a angry bang noise that sounded like a simultaneous burp and a fart. And the ground shook somethin’ fierce. 

This – of course – skeered the crap out of the Gnomes – who promptly skeedadled back down the tremblin’ mountain.

Bye the time they ketched up to Hewitt – the young Magician was frantic. 

“Dudes, what the Hell happened up there? Did you put the pebble in the trash can or what?!”

“Schmendrick threw the stone into the crater while Ah was takin’ a piss!” hollered Buggerz. 

“Ah didn’t do nothin’ of the sort!” screamed Schmendrick.

“Yes yew did!” 

“No, ah didn’t. Ah didn’t throws in nuthin! Ah’ll Ah did wuz jest pull mah hanky…tuh wipe mah noze and the durn rock fell out of mah pocket and rolled into the crater,” said Schmendrick.

The Volcano gave a mighty lurch which threw all three of them right on their butts. 

“Well Dudes, it looks like we’re royally screwed,” said Hewitt. 

*

To be continued..