“The Great War” Part 9
Grandaffy dressed in a pink cloak exhorted the Elf Troops to stand firm and hold thar ground. But with each fresh attack our Boys were slowly pushed back.
Meanwhile our Communications Headquarters was desperately firing telegraphs to your Toy Factory. Implorin’ ye for aerial assistance.
Now why you had decided to take Mrs Klause during the attack on a Holiday to Maui is beyond me. But I’m sure yew had some very good reasons for doin’ so.
We shore could have used your help though.
Maybe you could have dropped some disguised gifts that were actually “Gag Jokes” you can buy at the Magicky Shoppe.
You know the kind I’m talkin’ about – *Exploding Cigars,” “Whoopie Cushions,” “Fake Vomit” – that kind of shit. Droppin ‘ that kind of junk would have confused the Heck out of’ em.
Anyways things got so durn bad that all us Old Timer Elves had to join the front lines. We carried garbage can lids and water pistols filled with holy water.
When the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman showed up to the party – total chaos ensued – and our front lines crumbled.
Why they joined forces with Suntan’s army beats me? But thar they were. I suppose they just wanted to fuck somebody up – and here was a chance to do so – Epic like.
I was attacked by a Giant Golem made out of Legos and Tinker Toys – who promptly flattened my ass to the ground.
Raising his giant Number Two Pencil over me – I was shore I was going to be erased from existence.
And then everything stopped.
The Urth begun to rumble and shake and we’all froze.
Off in the distance – near the Great Gluteal Fold in Nabob – “The Anus of Duum” exploded with a earsplittin’ “KA-BOOMY!”
Wellsir, both mighty Hosts were terrified – as the ground continued to shake. And sose on cue everybody tore ass back to thar homes – faster than wet hens on fire.
Except for a few of the “Famous Monsters of Hollywood ” – who kindly signed my autograph book before departin.’
Yessir, “The Great War” was officially over.
To be continued…
